Fresh Outlook

My husband is gone this week on a golfing trip, and I miss him dearly.  I must admit though, that I thought I would be a complete mess without him here with our two kids, but I'm quite pleasantly surprised and pleased with myself, and I've figured out why. 

I've heard it said before that you never know how strong you are until you have no other choice.  This is so true.  I find that I've been much more responsible these last couple days, and much more organized.  At first I felt bad about this.  It made me sad that maybe I'm better without him, but that's not the case at all.  I miss him very much and at the end of the day, I want to be with him so badly, it hurts, but I've realized that my life-long problem with authority has not ended with my husband.  I didn't realize that I saw him as an authoratative figure in my life until now.  I've been defiant towards him.  Anything that I know he wants me to get done...namely, the household chores, I subconsciously refuse to do just because he has requested that I do them.  As he's been absent, I find that my ambition and drive to get things done is heightened to a whole new level.  My sense of accomplishment is diminished when I feel as though I'm doing something for the sole purpose of pleasing someone else. 

I've seen the error of my ways.  The problem wasn't him telling me what to do too much, it was my defiance that was leading him to tell me what do to.  He has only tried to make me a better person since the day we met, and this was his way of continuing that pattern.  I needed to realize though that I was only hurting myself and my girls, by acting in this childish way.  If I would keep the house clean to begin with, my sense of accomplishment would stay in tact, and so would our relationship.  I'm so grateful to God for bringing this to light.  I'm finally starting to grow up.