Learning to Cook

My husband is awesome.  For many reasons, this is true, but for the moment, I am referring to the fact that he is a chef.  He is a sous chef at a country club, and he has never had any formal education.  He has a passion for food the way Oprah has a passion for hearing herself talk.  Now, if only we could get the millions that she does for her passion...hmmm. 

Anyway, he has recently decided that he wants to teach me how to cook.  We've been together for 6.5 years, so one may wonder why I haven't learned yet.  Let me just say to that; why would one paint a picture while living with Picasso?  I mean, really, there has been no reason.  Until recently when I decided that since I'm a wife now, I should probably start to do some wifely things, and stop making him cook 24/7.  Although he does love it, cooking all day at work, only to come home to cook again for me and Anahi is just a teensy weensy unfair. 

Today was my first lesson.  I have half of a chicken roasting in the oven as I type.  It smells delicious, and am hoping that it will taste just as good.  I'm a little worried about it, because as I will soon elaborate, I don't like to do things half-ass.   I had a conversation with my seester (that's "sister" in normal people talk) about how I need to stop trying to make my days, and my life this "all or nothing" type of situation.  I agreed with her, and definitely noticed at the time of our little chat that I do have a tendency to do this in almost all areas of my life, but it became real as I was shoving my hand inside of the chicken.  I got scared. 

Indeed it is a bit scary to discover all of the little tidbits left inside the chicken to pull out with your hands, but that is not what I mean, surprisingly.  I got scared that I was going to mess up, and I immediately felt the urge to give up.  All or nothing...there it was, in the form of chicken jiblets, staring me right in the face.  The fact that if I don't think I can do something perfectly, I don't want to do it.  This is often how I feel (I've come to learn) in my every day life.  This is probably one of the big reasons I struggle with addiction.  When I'm high, I feel capable.  Let me now emphasize the "FEEL" part, because in all actuality, I'm not much more capable than when I'm sober.  I most often would sit on the couch, feeling capable, but doing absolutely nothing about it.  The difference is that I'm ok with not doing anything about it.  I don't feel guilty.  I'm ok with my laziness when I'm high.  I'm ok doing the "nothing" instead of the "all."

So, I've come to realize that it's better to feel incapable, while getting some stuff done (no matter how imperfectly) than to feel capable while not doing a damn thing with myself.  I want to learn how to mess up and be ok with it.  I'm thinking that learning to cook will help me to do that, and I look forward to it.